


The Need to Feel Valuable

by GinnyK



Series: Peering into the Future [4]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Cute Kids, Family, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 01:08:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3630999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyK/pseuds/GinnyK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The family travels to New Hampshire to visit Jed and Abbey.  Meanwhile, Donna plays matchmaker for Ben.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

September 2015

Clad only in a pair of plaid boxers Josh stood in the walk in closet rifling through his clothes. It was the first day of school and he felt like a kid who didn't want to wear the wrong thing.

"Josh what are you doing?" yelled Donna from the bathroom.

"Trying to find something wear," he yelled back.

Donna laughed and came into the room. She stood in the doorway of the closet. "You know, I told you to lay out your clothes the night before," she teased.

"No Donna, that was our children you told that to," he replied as he grabbed a blue oxford shirt.

"Well, I think I said it to all the "boys" in the house. Ben included." she teased as she reached around her husband to grab a pair of khaki pants off a hanger. "Here, wear these."

"Khakis, I don't know," he muttered as he reached out to grab a suit.

"Josh, you never wear a suit to school."

"Maybe I should. Might make a better first impression," he mused, more to himself than Donna.

She just laughed again and shook her head. "Josh, by the end of the week you'll be in slightly rumpled khakis and a plaid shirt," she said as she pushed the pants and shirt into his hands and steered him out of the closet.

She went upstairs to the boy's rooms and found them pretty much doing the same thing as their father, despite the fact that they had picked out outfits the night before. "Oh no," she said from the hallway. "You guys are wearing what we picked out last night."

The boys grudgingly agreed and dressed quickly. Donna went back down to the kitchen and found Ben pouring coffee.

"Thank God," she muttered as she took the coffee mug he offered her.

"What, in dire need of caffeine this morning?" asked Ben as he grabbed a banana out of the basket on the counter.

"No, I'm just glad to see that one of the guys in this house managed to dress themselves this morning." she smirked as she gestured towards Ben who was standing there in his jeans and a polo shirt.

"Come on Donna, it's the first day of school. Things are supposed to be hectic," he teased.

"Yeah, yeah," she said with a grin as she started to make the boy's lunches. "So first day of law school."

"Yep."

"Nervous?"

"Not really but if you don't stop I'll get nervous." smiled Ben. 

They talked about the logistics of the day. Who needed to be where, when and who was driving who around. Josh and the boys wandered in for breakfast about the time Ben was ready to leave. Donna poured some coffee in the travel mug for Josh and wrapped up a bagel for him. She handed him his backpack and sent him on his way. "Two down, two to go," she muttered to herself as she opened up the fridge to get out the stuff to make lunches for Jake and Jessie.

Half an hour later Donna waved as they walked down the street. Jake was insistent about walking to the 4th grade by himself. He didn't want to walk with Josh anymore. Josh agreed on the condition that Jake make sure his brother made it to school ok. Jake had thought about that for a little while. He eventually came to the conclusion that walking with his little brother wasn't as bad as walking with his Dad.

 

The first month of school went well for everyone. Routines were settled into without any great problems. The boys were enjoying the 2nd and 4th grades. Ben loved law school and Josh was happy to be teaching his two classes. Donna had somehow managed to talk him out of the night one. He taught one class on Monday and Wednesday mornings and the other one on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. That schedule gave him plenty of time to do a little consulting on the side, keep up with his physical therapy and see his therapist every other week. His decision to keep up with both forms of therapy surprised Donna. He was diligent about them during the summer but she just assumed he would want to slack off after the school year started. But he didn't and she certainly wasn't going to question that decision.

So on the outside Josh seemed to be doing pretty well. But there was just something that Donna couldn't seem to brush off about his behavior. In the past few months he'd become increasingly reluctant to get out and do things. Sure, he had no problem with his job or doing things with the boys but other than that he was content to stick close to home. It wasn't like he'd become agoraphobic or anything; he would certainly leave the house but seemed out of sorts when they went out and especially if they went away overnight. Donna knew part of it was he didn't sleep well when he wasn't in his own bed. He still had problems off and on with eating, something that was certainly easier to deal with when he was home. Donna had mentioned it to the doctor a few times but she didn't seem concerned. And when she really thought about it, it wasn't all that extreme...it just wasn't Josh. 

They had a trip to New Hampshire planned for the long Columbus Day weekend. There was a fundraiser at the Josiah Bartlet Presidential Library they were all attending. It was the boys first formal occasion and they were actually excited about it despite hearing Josh complain about having to get dressed up. Donna had taken Jake and Jessie shopping early in the week for new suits and ties. Josh wasn't exactly thrilled about making the trip to New Hampshire but he was looking forward to seeing Jed and Abbey. The boys were taking Friday off from school and they were flying up early that morning and coming back on Monday night. Donna was still trying to convince Ben to come with them. He was very reluctant to go. He'd never been up to the Bartlet Farm. He'd met Jed and Abbey on a few occasions but was still very intimidated by them. 

Donna had an ulterior motive for inviting him. Ben's social life was a little lacking. She knew he was busy with school and everything he did for their family. But she felt a little guilty at times. She knew that Annie, the Bartlet's oldest granddaughter would be visiting that weekend. Sure, she was a little older than Ben but that didn't stop Donna from her matchmaking tendencies. She hadn't had a chance to use those tendencies lately. She'd all but given up on Sam. He was a confirmed bachelor and she didn't see that changing. So she made up her mind to introduce Ben and Annie.

Friday morning of Columbus Day weekend found Jake and Jessie up at the crack of dawn. Ben was trying to corral them into eating some breakfast. He was also trying to get them to empty out some of the stuff that was in their backpacks. Over the years it had become clear that Josh had passed on what Donna liked to call, "the backpack gene" to his young sons. Simply put, if the backpack wasn't bursting at the seams, there wasn't enough stuff in it. Donna was trying to curb that tendency in all of them. The boys were still at the stage where they tended to misplace things when they left the house and with Josh's back and leg the last thing he needed to do was lug around a 25-pound backpack.

With the boys finally sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal Donna went to try and get Josh up. He had been run down for a couple of days and not eating well so she was starting to worry a little. He hadn't slept well the night before and she had already tried to get him up once a little while earlier without much luck.

"Josh, come on, get up," she called from the doorway. Her efforts were rewarded with a groan. "Josh, we're leaving in half an hour. Unless you want to wear your plaid flannel pj's on the plane I suggest you get your butt out of bed," she said as she sat down on the edge of the bed. Josh had pulled the quilt over his head so the only thing sticking out was a few stray curls. Donna leaned over to pull the quilt back a little. She did and then leaned over to kiss his forehead. "You ok?" she asked as she caressed his cheek. He was a little warm but she couldn't tell if it was a fever or if it was from hiding under the quilt.

"Yeah, just tired I think. Let me up so we're not late." he muttered as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. Donna handed him his cane and went in the kitchen to clean up.

Twenty-five minutes later the five of them were piled into the van on the way to the airport. Because of the holiday weekend they hadn't been able to get seats in first class so Josh was complaining about being in coach.

"Josh, it's a short flight. You want the window or the aisle?" asked Donna as they came to their row.

"Window," he muttered as he slid into the seat. By the time the plane took off he was sound asleep with his head against the window. Donna woke him as the plane started to descend into Manchester International. They rented a car and were at the farm by lunchtime. 

 

As Donna pulled the car into the driveway she glanced in the rearview mirror. Ben in the seat behind her looking visibly nervous. "Deep breath Benjamin," she teased with a big grin.

"Very funny, Donna," he smirked as he undid his seat belt.

The boys flew out of the car as soon as Donna put it in park. They were up the stairs and in Abbey's arms in a flash. Jed was waiting inside for them. He had had an episode earlier in the week and was still a little wobbly on his feet. Abbey sent the boys in to see Jed and she came down the steps to hug Josh and Donna. Ben was taking some stuff out of the car. Abbey finished hugging Josh and Donna and turned to Ben. "I'm so glad you could come up Ben.," she said as she gave him a quick hug.

"Thanks for inviting me ma'am," stuttered Ben as he awkwardly hugged her back.

"Ben, what did I tell you?" she scolded as she took a backpack from him. "Call me Abbey."

"I'll try." said Ben as he grabbed the last of the bags and closed the door.

Josh and Donna entered the living room and greeted Jed. Ben kind of hung in the doorway, not sure what to do.

"Ben, good to see you again," said Jed from the couch. Ben walked across the room and shook the former President's hand.

"Thanks for having me Mr. President."

Jed just shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Ben..."

"Sorry, Jed." corrected Ben.

Everyone spend some time settling into their rooms. Josh insisted that he and Donna didn't need a room on the first floor. He was perfectly willing to contend with the stairs. So Ben got the first floor guest room while Josh, Donna and the boys were upstairs. After lunch Ben and the boys headed for the barn. Jake wanted to show Ben and his brother where he had found the snake during his trip with Josh the previous May.

The rest of the day was very relaxing for everyone. The boys played outside. They hunted for snakes, played basketball in the driveway and Ben took them for a walk in the woods. Jed and Josh talked politics after lunch and then took a trip into town with Chris the driver/handyman that the Bartlet's employed. It was late afternoon when Abbey and Donna made some tea and settled down in the swing on the front porch.

"So, Josh looks pretty good." said Abbey as she tucked her feet under her.

"He does. He had a pretty good summer. Actually relaxed. He's decided to keep up with his therapy sessions, both kinds." said Donna.

"Without a fight?" asked Abbey in amazement.

"It was his idea, believe it or not. Classes are going well. He's not teaching at night so that helps the situation a lot. He did manage to gain a few pounds over the summer although he's had some trouble eating the last couple of days."

"That still comes and goes?" asked Abbey shaking her head a bit.

"Unfortunately it does. The doctor thinks some of it is physical and some of it's...well, not. But on the up-side we haven't ended up in the emergency room for dehydration in a year and a half." laughed Donna.

Abbey chuckled slightly, "Well, that's something."

Donna sat and played with her mug for a few minutes.

"What?" asked Abbey when she noticed Donna was clearly holding something in.

"I don't know, I mean, I'm not sure if it's anything." she started slowly.

"Even if it's not, you'll feel better if you talk about it," said Abbey as she patted her hand. "Something with Josh?"

"Yeah, lately he's been reluctant to go out. Actually, it's more like he's not interested in going out with our friends or going away. He's fine with going to work and doing stuff with the boys. But other than that he's cranky when he's not home. It's not like him. I'm convinced that's why he's had a rough couple of days. It's almost like he works himself up into....into whatever, worrying about being away from home."

"It's entirely possible," said Abbey. "Think about it, he was away from home when he was shot, he had a stroke not 50 feet from where we're sitting. The mind is a mysterious thing. So do I think it's possible that he's basically making himself sick..sure. But even if that's the case the pain is still real," explained Abbey.

"I know it is and it kills me to see him in pain. The worst thing about it is that he's so vague when I ask him what's bothering him. He just mutters, 'everything, nothing, I don't know.' It's frustrating, not knowing how to help him."

"I understand. But what's really wrong when he mutters that, do you know?"

"His back and leg are usually bothering him. Maybe a headache. I usually just give him some Tylenol and try to get him to rest or take a warm bath. Those bubbles for cranky babies seem to work really well," she said with a grin. 

Abbey returned the grin. "Does he talk about it?"

"I try not to push him to talk, cause that's the quickest way to get him to shut down. I let him take the lead. I've gotten pretty good at knowing when to stay with him and when to leave him alone to brood. It used to be a change of scenery did wonders, but obviously not anymore,' said Donna as she took a shaky breath. As hard as it was for her to talk about this she knew she needed to and there was no better person to share her feelings with than Abbey Bartlet.

Abbey nodded for her to continue.

"When I try to put it in perspective, I realize it's not that bad. It's not like he's locked himself in the closet and won't come out. He's just not....he's just not the man I married," said Donna quietly with a small sob.

"That's right, he's not. And he never will be. Josh has changed over the past few years, there's no denying that; he's not the same man he was. And he never will be. Your whole family has done a great job at adapting to your circumstances. Don't give up now."

Donna nodded weakly and fished a tissue out of her jacket pocket. She wiped her face and blew her nose. 

"Has Josh talked to the therapist about this?"

Donna shrugged her shoulders a little.

"You want me to talk to him?"

"Go right ahead," agreed Donna as the car pulled into the driveway.

Jed and Josh got out, canes in hand. Chris grabbed the bags out of the back of the station wagon and carried them in.

"Cookies?" called Abbey as she spotted the bags from the grocery store.

"Yes, the men are baking cookies. Where are the little men?"

"Inside I think." said Abbey as she walked over to Jed to greet him with a kiss.

Donna watched as Josh came across the yard to the porch. He was moving a little slower than usual but she said nothing to him about it. She kissed him on the cheek and took his arm as he climbed the steps. Abbey went to find the boys while Jed and Josh unpacked the cookie making ingredients. Donna grabbed a magazine and perched on a stool in the kitchen. She read with one eye on the magazine and the other watching Josh. He looked to be in a pretty good mood, not too cranky.

"Dad can we go out by the pond for a while?" asked Jessie as Jed was popping the last of the cookie trays in the oven.

"Sure, just try not to fall in," teased Josh remembering an incident a few years earlier when Jake had fallen into the shallow water.

"Haha Dad," smirked Jake as he washed his hands.

Both boys kissed their parents, grabbed their jackets and headed outside for a little while. Jed and Josh cleaned up a little as Abbey and Donna started dinner.

"He looks pretty happy," said Abbey after Jed and Josh had headed for the study.

"Yeah, for now he does. We'll see how he makes it through the rest of the weekend," said Donna as she put the water on to boil.

"So is Ben enjoying law school?" asked Abbey, changing subjects as deftly as Donna was known to do.

"Seems to be. So when's Annie getting here?"

"Her flight comes in around 8 tonight. She insisted on renting a car and driving out from the airport. I told her I would send someone for her but she's stubborn."

"Gee, where in the world could she have gotten that stubborn streak from?" smirked Donna.

"Jed," the two of them said at the same time.

Everyone sat down to spaghetti and meatballs a little after 7:00. Josh picked at his food for a while under the ever present, ever watchful eye of Donna. Mid-bite he looked up to find Abbey watching him too. She tried to glance away as Josh put a small piece of meatball into his mouth but he caught her and smiled. 

He wanted to be annoyed with her but he couldn't be. Ever since he had been shot Abbey had taken a personal interest in his health. Sure, it got on his nerves at times, like when Abbey insisted on a medical update every time they spoke on the phone or when she would give him the "once-over" every time she saw him. But he also found it comforting. He knew he could call her with a question; day or night and she would take the time to talk to him, to explain things or to reassure him. And most of all he knew he could ask her the stupidest of questions and she wouldn't make fun of him. That was something he found great comfort in.

Josh pushed the remaining meatball around on his plate before giving up and just finishing the pasta. The boys excused themselves to go watch TV and he went with them.

Ben had gotten a little more comfortable during the course of the day. But when the only people remaining at the table were himself, Donna and the Bartlet's he started to get a little nervous. When the conversation turned to Annie he got more nervous. It soon became clear that Donna and Abbey had their own agenda for the weekend. Not that he minded all that much; he'd seen pictures of Annie and thought she was kind of cute. And the boys talked about her frequently. He was looking forward to meeting her. He just needed to get over the fact that Annie was Jed and Abbey's granddaughter; something that was easier said than done.

After dinner Jed put on his coat, picked up his coffee mug and headed for the porch. He motioned for Ben to follow him. Ben was startled at first and looked at Donna with a look of terror. "Go outside with him. He won't bite, I promise," she said with a grin. Ben grabbed his own coat and coffee and headed out the front door like a man headed for the firing squad.

 

Jed was on the swing with his coffee when Ben stepped outside. It was a typical New England fall evening, complete with the smell of burning leaves in the air.

"Sit down Ben," said Jed as he motioned to the opposite end of the swing. "I won't bite, I swear," laughed Jed.

"Didn't think you would si...Jed." replied Ben.

"So it seems that Donna and my wife have taken it upon themselves to do some matchmaking."

"Seems that way. So are they any good at it?"

"Well, Sam's still single and so is Leo, so no, not really."

"That doesn't give me a lot of confidence," teased Ben.

"Seriously, my granddaughter is a wonderful girl. You'll like her. And if something sparks..great, if not, you'll have had a nice weekend as a guest of the former President of the United States," said Jed with a grin.

"The Lyman's speak highly of her, I'm sure I'll like her," said Ben, cringing a little at how formal that sounded.

"You know they speak very highly of you too," said Jed as he took a sip of coffee.

Ben gave a nervous grin and shrugged his shoulders, clearly embarrassed.

Jed gave him a big smile, "Benjamin, you have no idea what you do for that family do you?"

"It's not that much, I drive Josh and the boys, baby-sit once in a while, it's no big deal."

Jed just shook his head. "Son, you are much more than a driver and babysitter to that family. Donna depends on you more than she lets on and more than she ever intended. The way you keep Josh in line is a lot like how Charlie used to be with me."

"Josh's said that before. I've heard how he hated to wake you up."

"He sure did. I take it that waking Josh up isn't your favorite part of the job?"

"No way. But it doesn't happen too often. Josh's great, I've learned a lot from him. I know it was hard to him to accept having me do things he used to do for the boys...and Donna too. But we've found a middle ground these last few years. They're a big part of why I stayed in DC for law school."

"And for that they're eternally grateful." said Jed as a car pulled into the driveway. Ben's hands automatically went up to smooth down his dark hair. Jed just smiled, grabbed his cane and headed down the stairs.

Annie parked, got out of the car and flew across the yard towards Jed. The first thing Ben noticed was how much she looked like her grandmother. She was petite like Abbey with the same color hair. Annie kissed Jed and wrapped her arms around him. It took a minute for her to realize there was someone else with them. Ben had kind of hung back close to the steps, waiting to be introduced.

"Annie, this is Ben Weaver, he helps out Josh and his family." said Jed as he motioned for Ben to come closer.

Ben held out his hand. "Nice to meet you. The boys have told me a lot about you."

Annie gave him a once over from head to toe and smiled broadly. "Nice to meet you too."

"OK, Grandpop, where's everyone else?"

"They're inside. Come on let's go."

They all went in and Annie greeted Abbey, Donna and the boys. Josh had crashed a little while earlier on the couch in the family room. Annie went downstairs to see if he was awake. She found him curled up under an afghan sound asleep. She knelt down next to the couch for a minute, taking a good look at him. It had been a while since she had seen him and she could see the changes brought on by the stroke. He was thinner than she remembered, grayer and well, older looking than she had expected. Kissing his cheek she stood up and turned to go back up the stairs. Donna was on the landing watching her.

"Still sleeping?"

"Yeah. How's he doing?"

"In general, he's doing pretty well. The last couple of days, not so great. Your grandmother's making tea why don't you come up for a cup?" said Donna as she took Annie by the arm.

Two hours later Ben had been filled in on the details of Annie's life so far, from the naked baby stories, to stories from Jed's campaigns, to embarrassing stories from recent years. Annie also got an earful about Ben and some of his less than finer moments.

Soon Ben and Annie found themselves alone in the kitchen. The older adults had conveniently decided they were tired; well not Josh, he had never woken up and Donna was on her way to get him up to bed.

With a shy smile Annie suggested a moonlit walk around the property. They got their coats and headed out with Jed watching from the upstairs window.


	2. Chapter 2

Josh was snoring on the couch when Donna went back down to the family room. She turned on the lamp on the end table and perched on the edge of the couch. Josh was on his stomach, face turned towards the back of the couch, one arm hanging over the edge. She brushed back his hair and kissed his cheek. "Josh, honey, wake up a little and come up to bed." she whispered.

Josh rolled over slowly and rubbed his eyes, trying to get his bearings and figure out exactly where he was. His eyes finally focused and he turned his attention towards Donna.

"Come on, it's late, let's go upstairs." she said as she helped him sit up. He mumbled a little and let Donna help him to his feet. They took it slow on the stairs and made their way up the two flights to their room. Donna steered Josh towards the bed and went to get their pajamas. While he changed she got him his pills and a glass of water. "Here," she said as she held the cup out to him. He took it without a word, swallowed the pills and curled up under the quilt. Donna put on her pajamas, brushed her teeth and checked on the boys before crawling in next to him. She fully expected Josh to be asleep by the time she got in bed but he was still awake.

"You okay?" she asked as she snaked her hand under his t-shirt, resting it over the scar on his chest.

She felt him shrug his shoulders a little.

"I know, it's been a long day," she said as Josh scooted over to put his head on her shoulder. "Feel okay?"

He just shrugged his shoulders again.

"Anything in particular hurt?" she asked, already knowing what the answer would be.

"I don't know, nothing....everything," he sighed. It was just one of those times when he didn't feel quite right and he couldn't really put it into words. Just like Donna had explained to Abbey. Both he and Donna knew at times like this the best thing for him was a couple of Tylenol and a good night's sleep. She'd already given him the Tylenol so the only thing left to do was get him to sleep. "You want to take a sleeping pill?" she asked. Donna frequently used that question to gauge how bad Josh felt. He didn't like to take them so if he refused she knew he wasn't that uncomfortable. If he took it then he really didn't feel well.

"Yeah, I think so," he mumbled as he rolled off of Donna and started to sit up.

"I'll get it," she said as she slid out of bed.

Donna returned a minute later with the pill and some more water. Josh took the pill, handed the cup back to her and curled up on the bed. Donna put the cup on the nightstand and stretched out next to Josh. "Roll over, I'll rub your back for you," she said as she kissed his forehead. He did and was asleep within 20 minutes.

Another added perk of the sleeping pill was that Josh hardly ever had a nightmare when he took one. Fortunately, over the previous few months his nightmares had been very few in number but unfortunately when he did have them, they were bad ones. But as it usually did the pill gave him an uninterrupted night's sleep.

Donna woke to the sound of the boys running down the stairs to the kitchen. The sun was streaming in the window. A quick glance at the clock told her it was a little before 8. She was surprised she had slept that late. Josh was still sound asleep next to her. With a quick kiss to his cheek she got out of bed and pulled the quilt up around him. Grabbing her robe from the suitcase she headed down to see what the boys were doing.

She found the boys, Ben and Annie getting ready to make pancakes in the kitchen. She kissed the boys and poured herself a cup of coffee. She tried to help but was turned away. Abbey was nowhere to be found, Annie said she was outside taking her morning walk and that Jed was in the study reading the newspaper and yelling at the television.

Donna wandered down the hall towards the study. The door was open a bit and she peeked her head in unnoticed for a minute. Jed was on the couch with his feet on the coffee table. She smiled at how good he looked for someone who had been through everything he had. Sure he was moving a little slower each time she saw him but the sparkle in his eye was constant and his love of life never wavered. He never complained and still led as full a life as he possibly could. As she watched him she couldn't help but get a little misty. Dabbing at her eyes with the sleeve of her robe she cleared her throat to make her presence know.

"Donnatella," he said cheerfully as her name rolled off his tongue. "Come on in." he said as he patted the cushion next to him. He muted the television and moved a stack of papers off his lap.

Donna curled her legs up under her and sat down next to him. She leaned over and kissed his cheek, "Good morning."

Jed grinned as a faint blush came over his cheeks. He squeezed Donna's hand. "So, Abbey and I talked for a little while last night. 

"I imagine you did," sighed Donna.

"It's going to be fine. Your family's been through much worse than Josh becoming a homebody," said Jed as he put his arm around her and pressed a kiss to her temple.

"Breakfast is ready," yelled Jessie as he ran down the hall to the study. He slid across the hardwood floor in his stocking feet, just stopping in time to avoid tumbling over the coffee table. He was covered in flour from his unruly blond hair to his socks. Jed and Donna just laughed at him as they stood up.

"Is Daddy awake yet?" asked Jessie.

"I don't think so, why don't you go wake him up," said Donna. Jessie was halfway out the door when she added, "nicely."

"Yeah, yeah," she heard her youngest child mutter as he headed up the stairs.

Jessie found Josh in the bathroom having just gotten out of the shower. Jessie was a little disappointed that he didn't get to wake up Josh.

"Hey Daddy, breakfast is ready," called Jessie as he knocked on the bathroom door.

"Come on in," said Josh as he reached for the shaving cream. He shook it with one hand as he used the other to wipe the mirror.

Jessie went in the bathroom and climbed up to sit on the counter. "Ben and Annie helped Jake and I make pancakes."

"That sounds good."

"Really?" asked Jessie a little surprised.

"Why wouldn't it sound good?"

"I don't know, you haven't eaten much lately."

Josh stopped shaving so suddenly he cut his chin. It never occurred to him that his 7 year old would notice such a thing. Jessie handed him a washcloth to wipe away the blood on his chin.

"I guess I haven't eaten much lately. But you know what?"

"What?"

"I think I'm hungry this morning," said Josh with a grin as he finished shaving. "Go make me a plate while I throw on my clothes. I'll be there in a minute," he said leaning over to kiss the top of Jessie's head.

"Mom, Dad's hungry," yelled Jessie as he ran down the stairs. A big grin came across Josh's face as he brushed his fingers through his damp hair. He dressed quickly and went down to eat, before the urge left him once again.

Jessie had a plate all ready for him when he got down to the kitchen. Josh did eat pretty well despite the fact that he felt like every eye in the house was watching him. 

The rest of the day was clearly divided into female activities and male activities. Donna, Annie and Abbey went into the city to get their hair and nails done for the fundraiser. They also went to do some last minute shopping for accessories. Jed, Josh, Ben and the boys went to a local high school football game.

Everyone made it back to the farmhouse by 3:00. The fundraiser started at 8:00, giving Jed and Josh time to relax for a while. They went to the family room to watch college football but were soon snoring on the couch and in the recliner. Jake and Jessie were in the barn snake hunting, Abbey and Donna were sitting with tea at the kitchen counter going over Abbey's remarks for the fundraiser. Ben and Annie found themselves on the front porch alone.

"So you, uh, want to swing for a while?" asked Ben as he pointed towards the swing.

Annie smiled shyly and sat down. They sat in silence for a while.

"So, I guess my grandfather intimidates you a little?" asked Annie with just a hinting of teasing in her voice.

"He was the President of the United States," said Ben, defending himself. "Sure he's intimidating. And so's your grandmother," he added with a smile.

"That I'll agree with," said Annie with a smile. "I've always found it easier to be around my grandfather. But this isn't the first time you've met them is it?"

"No, I've met them a few times. I've talked to them on the phone..."

"You talk to them or you try to hand the phone to Josh or Donna as soon as possible?" 

"Uh, the second thing," he admitted.

"Thought so. They're just normal people you know, they put their pants on one leg..."

"OK, I don't really need that image sticking in my brain," laughed Ben.

"Yeah, I guess not. So, looking forward to tonight?"

"I think so. I haven't exactly been to many formal functions."

"I've been to more than I care to remember. But it's nice for a change however, I wouldn't want to do it every weekend."

"Me neither. I can't imagine wearing a tuxedo that often. I'd actually have to learn how to tie a bow tie."

"You can't do it?"

"I'm a law school student and a driver slash babysitter. I don't get invited to many black tie affairs," smirked Ben.

"That's okay, I can do it for you," offered Annie.

"Thanks," said Ben with a big smile.

"So wasn't it hard being the granddaughter of the President?"

"Sure it was. I was a preteen when he was elected. That's rough enough for a kid to handle. I got some mail and stuff that wasn't very nice. Reporters bothered me once in a while at the beginning of his term. But Grandpop put an end to that quickly. He threatened to clear the press room and start over again if the reporters didn't leave me alone."

"I could see him doing that. Did you help campaign?"

"I did the second time around. It was hard because of the whole MS scandal. At the end I just wanted it to be over, it was like I didn't even care if he won or not, I just wanted things to be normal again." said Annie with a sigh.

Ben smiled and moved a little closer. Annie dropped her head on his shoulder, surprising Ben just a little. With a deep breath he felt his body relax for what felt like the first time all weekend. He put his arm around her shoulder and brushed his lips against the top of her head. Annie tucked her feet under her as Ben started the swing going with his foot. They fell into a comfortable silence.

Meanwhile Jed had woken up and wandered into the kitchen for a snack.

"Where is everybody?" he asked Abbey as he grabbed a banana out of the fruit basket.

"Donna's getting the boys cleaned up, Ben and Annie are out on the porch."

"Oh really," said Jed as he started to slide off the stool.

"Sit back down," said Abbey as she smacked his arm, "leave them alone."

"Fine, fine."

"Is Josh still asleep?"

"He was starting to wake up when I headed up here. You want to try and talk to him?"

Abbey glanced at the clock on the wall and decided now would be a good time to try to talk to Josh. She didn't have much time but that would force her to keep the conversation on track. "I think I will. Finish your snack and then go take a shower," she said kissing his cheek.

"Yes ma'am," Jed smirked as he saluted his wife.

Abbey poked her head around the corner when she got to the bottom of the stairs. "Josh, you awake?" she called towards the couch where Josh was stretched out facing the back of the couch.

"Yeah, come on in," he invited as he rolled over and sat up slowly.

"Sleep well?" as Abbey as she took a seat next to him.

Josh nodded and took a sip from the glass of water he had brought down with him.

"Good. So having a good weekend?"

He just nodded again.

"I'm glad, it's good to get away from home once in a while," said Abbey as she looked at his face for a reaction.

Josh was just about to take another sip of water when he stopped suddenly and put the glass back down. He sighed loudly and curled up in the corner of the couch, pulling his legs up and resting his elbows on his knees.

"So it seems Donna's been talking to you?"

"About what?" asked Abbey trying to feign innocence. Josh just gave her a look that said, "I didn't just fall off the turnip truck and please don't treat me like I did."

"Yeah she did. She's just worried about you," replied Abbey as she patted his arm.

"I know. It's really not that big a deal. So I like to stay close to home lately. It's not the end of the world."

"No, it's not...not at all. But when you get so worked up about it that you can't eat, then it's a little more of a problem."

"I don't do it on purpose," said Josh, sounding very child-like.

"I know. And the pain you feel is real. I know that, Donna knows that. She's just worried about you."

"When isn't she worried about me?" Josh spit out bitterly. 

"Josh..." Abbey said with a hint of warning in her voice.

"What I meant was, can't I just have a year, a month, a week where she doesn't have to worry about me so much. This is not what she signed up for when she married me."

Abbey tried not to but ended up chuckling anyway, "Josh, Donna's been worrying about you since long before you got married." she pointed out, poking him in the knee for emphasis.

Josh did manage a little chuckle himself. "I know."

"So have you talked to the therapist about your...well for lack of a better word, fear?"

"Not really. I guess I've been too busy denying it."

"You should talk to him."

Josh sighed as he rubbed his eyes wearily. "I know. I will."

"Good. So, how do you feel?" asked Abbey moving completely into doctor mode.

"Better. Last night was kind of rough for a while. My back and my leg were bothering me. Being cramped in coach didn't help," he added trying to rationalize the way he had felt. "I took a pill and slept well."

"Good. And it looks like you ate better today."

Josh nodded.

"Well, I need to go get ready. I'm sure Donna could use a hand with those adorable boys of yours." said Abbey as she stood up. She leaned over and kissed the top of Josh's head. "You know you can talk to me at any time, about anything."

"I know. Thank you."

An hour later Josh and Ben were both standing in front of the mirror in the living room, each jockeying for space so they could pretend to tie their bowties.

Annie and Donna were upstairs tying the boys' ties and trying to tame their wild hair.

"Boy, you two sure have your Dad's hair," teased Annie as she squeezed some gel into her hands and ran her fingers through Jessie blond curls. "And his dimples," she added as she kissed Jessie's cheek. He turned a nice shade of pink as he escaped to the bathroom to check his reflection. He came out a minute later and paced around the room.

"Mom, my shoes hurt," he whined.

"They're dress shoes, they're supposed to hurt, you dork," said Jake as he tried to loosen the striped tie Donna had just finished fixing.

"Jacob Leo, we don't call each other names. Now stop playing with the tie. Go downstairs and sit on the couch. Don't touch anything, don't eat anything. I mean it mister, you mess up that suit and there's going to be trouble."

"Yes, Mom, trouble with a capital T, I know," he groaned as he wandered out of the room, but not before Jessie stuck his tongue out at him.

"Jessie Samuel," warned Donna as she grabbed her youngest child by the collar of his navy suit. "Knock it off. Go with your brother and stay out of trouble." she ordered as she gave him a swat on the butt.

"Am I completely nuts, thinking the two of them are ready for a formal occasion?" asked Donna as she flopped down on the bed in her blue dress.

"They'll be fine. Now get up before you wrinkle," teased Annie and she held out her hand to pull Donna to her feet. The two of them went downstairs to find Josh and Ben the same place they had been ten minutes earlier. In front of the mirror with untied ties.

"Oh, the two of you are hopeless," said Donna as she came down the stairs. Josh was about to protest when he turned to get a look at his wife. He whistled as best he could and broke out into a huge grin.

"You look beautiful," he said quietly as she crossed the room. Donna kissed him softly.

Meanwhile Ben was still staring at Annie who was crossing the room coming towards him with her hand held out for the tie. She was wearing a silver strapless dress that fit her perfectly. Her auburn hair was piled on her head with just a few strands framing her face. Josh elbowed him to get him to react.

"Uh, Annie, you look great," Ben stuttered as she took the tie from him.

"Thank you," she whispered as she reached up to slip the tie around his neck. She brushed her lips against his cheek before winding the black silk into a perfect bow. 

"Would you look at that," teased Jed from the archway between the living room and the dining, "Another guy who can't tie a tie."

"Well sir...Jed, I think the last time I wore a bow tie was my senior year in high school at the prom. And I'm sure it was a clip on."

"Uh, Donna," said Josh, still standing there untied, "Could you stop watching them and give me a hand," he said pointing towards the younger couple and then holding up his tie in front of her face.

"Hold your horses, Tony Bennett," smirked Donna as she put the tie under the collar of his white shirt.

Twenty minutes later the eight of them climbed into the waiting car. Although it was nothing new to the rest of them, Ben and the boys were impressed with the limo. They pulled up to the Josiah E. Bartlet Presidential Library at exactly 8 o'clock.

The boys climbed out of the car as soon as it was put into park. Abbey and Jed got out next, followed by Annie and Ben. Donna slid over and was about to get out when she realized Josh hadn't made an effort to move towards the door. She turned in her seat and looked over at him. He looked pale and more than slightly uncomfortable.

"Josh, you okay?" she asked as she reached out to touch his cheek. He was cool and a little clammy.

He took a deep breath and whispered, "Just give me a minute."

Donna nodded and moved closer to him. Josh put his arms around her and buried his face in the crook of her neck inhaling the familiar scent of her perfume. She held him tight and patted his back for a minute, feeling his breathing start to get a little too fast and a little too shallow.

"OK, take a deep breath and hold it," she coached. "Good, again," A few deep breaths later he was starting to calm down a bit. "You want some water?"

He nodded and she took a bottle out of the little fridge. About that time Abbey peeked her head back in. "Everything ok?"

"We'll be fine. Just give us a couple of minutes," Donna said quietly as she rubbed slow, soothing circles over Josh's back.

"OK," said Abbey with a smile. "We're going to head in. Just come get me if you need me."

"We'll be fine," said Donna with a small smile.

Josh finished half a bottle of water and decided he was ready to get out. They stood outside for a minute, letting Josh get some fresh air and clear his head. The party was underway when they got inside. They saw the boys helping themselves to some appetizers. Donna smiled to herself as she saw they remembered to say thank you to the waiters and that they grabbed some napkins with their food.

"You want to sit?" Donna asked Josh as they entered the main lobby of the library.

"Yeah," he said as he pointed his cane in the direction of a table by one of the large windows. He sat and the boys joined him with their food. Josh stole some cheese and crackers from Jake as Jessie climbed into his lap.

"Dad," whined Jake.

"Like there's not plenty of food around here," smirked Josh as he put a cracker in his mouth. 

Donna returned to the table a minute later with drinks for all of them. She had a glass of white wine for herself, Sprite for the boys and an unknown drink for Josh. She put them down on the table and Josh picked his up. He looked at Donna with an unspoken question in his eyes.

"It's Coke," she said with a smirk.

"And..."

"And ice," she added sweetly.

Josh rolled his eyes and tried to look annoyed but just ended up laughing instead.

"Eat something first and I'll let you have a drink later," offered Donna.

"Fine," said Josh with a grin.

For the first hour or so Josh stuck close to Donna. He mingled a little, ate a little and really did try to enjoy himself. The boys eventually asked to walk around outside for a few minutes and Josh offered to take them while Donna chatted with some local political figures.

A while later the boys went back in to check on the food situation, leaving Josh out on the terrace by himself. He wandered around for a while eventually ending up back inside, heading for the bar. Just steps away from the bar he glanced across the room and saw Donna watching him. Managing a properly ashamed look he smiled as she pointed to the bar and held up one finger.

Josh ordered a rum and Coke and mingled for a while. The people at the party were nice enough, as far as political contributors went but Josh was getting cranky and antsy. But drink did relax him and rather quickly. Since Donna was otherwise occupied he decided to order another, after a quick trip to the men's room. After the visit to the men's room he decided a trip around the library was in order. So he got another drink and started down a fairly deserted hallway. He turned a corner and nearly collided with a couple that was rather occupied.

"Sorry," he muttered as he managed to keep not only himself upright, but also his drink. He was two steps further down the hall when he turned around to get another look at the couple he had stumbled upon. It turned out to be a very embarrassed Ben and Annie.

"Uh, gee, sorry, I was just going for a walk," muttered Josh.

"Josh, it's okay," said Annie as she tried to secure her hair back up on top of her head.

"I'm just going to uh..." mumbled Josh as he pointed vaguely down the hall.

"Josh, how many have you had?" asked Ben as he motioned towards the drink in Josh's hand. His tone was meant to be teasing and while it actually was, Josh didn't take it that way.

"This is number two. Not that's it's any of your business Ben; you're not on Josh-duty tonight. I can take care of myself." he spit out as he started to head down the hall.

"Josh, wait. I was only kidding, calm down." said Ben as he took a step towards Josh.

Josh stopped and turned around to face him. For a second almost looked as if he was going to throw a punch.

"Josh," Ben said quietly as he took another step closer to the older man, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing you can fix."

"You sure?"

"Yeah Ben, there are some things you can't fix, despite being faster than a speeding bullet, able to leap tall buildings and all that other crap," Josh said with a sneer as he turned and walked away.

Ben stood there unable to get a word out for a minute or two. He finally started to take a step to go after Josh but Annie reached out to grab his hand. "Let him go. He's a grown man, he can take care of himself."

Ben laughed aloud, "I've seen evidence to the contrary." he snorted.

"You and me both. But he's right; you're not on duty tonight. You're a guest at the party."

"I know but..."

"But nothing, Josh needs to work some things out for himself. Give him space, I'm sure he'll be fine."

"OK, so what about that tour you promised me?" asked Ben as he took Annie into his arms and hugged her tight.

"Follow me," she said with a smile as she took his hand and lead him down the hallway.

Josh was walking away from the bar with drink number 3 when his cane got tangled up with Jed's and he nearly sent the two of them to the ground. Abbey steadied everyone and sent Josh to sit down. She watched him walk, or rather teeter, towards a chair in the corner.

"Ah, looks like someone's abused that sensitive system," said Jed with a wicked grin on his face.

"What are you doing?" asked Abbey as her husband headed towards Josh.

"Nothing, I'm just going to make sure he's okay," said Jed.

Abbey just let him go as she scanned the room for Donna. Not finding her she wandered in and out of a few of the other rooms looking for her. She found her and the boys in one of the rooms that held mementos from the Bartlet administration. Abbey watched from the doorway without being noticed for a few minutes. Donna was sitting in a chair with Jessie who was balancing on the arm of the chair. Jake was leaning over her shoulder. All three were intently looking at the album in Donna's lap. The three were looking at pictures of their parents and their beloved "aunts and uncles." Abbey couldn't help but notice how alike the boys and Josh were. If it weren't for their blond hair they would be clones of their Dad. And as they had been dressed up for more than an hour, their shirts were coming untucked, the ties were loosened and Jake even had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows in a typical Josh-like fashion.

"Find any embarrassing pictures?" asked Abbey from the doorway.

"Oh yeah," the boys chimed together.

"We were just getting away from the crowds for a few minutes. They were getting a little antsy," said Donna as she hitched her thumb towards her sons who were now looking at the pictures on the walls.

"Well, they inherited that from their Dad," said Abbey as she sat down.

"Speaking of Josh, have you seen him in the last half hour or so, I seem to have misplaced him," said Donna with a grin.

"Uh, yeah," answered Abbey a little quietly. She looked towards the boys and then back at Donna.

"Boys why don't you go see what Uncle Jed is doing?" said Donna.

"Sure," they replied tearing out of the room and down the hall.

"Slow down," Donna yelled before turning her attention towards Abbey. "So what's he done now?" she asked, already starting to get annoyed.

"Well, I think he passed his one drink limit about 3 drinks ago."

"I'm gonna kill him. He's not supposed to be drinking. I told him he could have one." said Donna as she stood up to start pacing the room.  
"Has he managed to make a fool out of himself yet?"

"Well, he nearly knocked Jed over but other than that I think he's a rather subdued, uh, drunk. For the moment at least."

"Where is he?"

"Last I saw he was in the main lobby by the window. But Donna, go easy on him."

Donna stopped her pacing abruptly and turned to face the older woman, "Go easy on him? Are you nuts? He's barely keeping himself together sober and now he's drunk. I don't think I'll go easy on him."

"Donna, stop for a second and listen to what you just said."

Donna thought for a second, "He's barely holding himself together," she repeated under her breath.

"Right."

"But I still want to tear him limb from limb."

"I know, but control that urge. Because if you do it now, he won't remember it in the morning. So plaster on your best smile and get him out of here before he pukes on his shoes. Have Chris take the two of you home and then come back for the rest of us."

"What about the boys?"

"They'll be fine. I'll get them to bed if you're otherwise occupied."

"Thanks. Any words of wisdom?"

"Let's see...after he falls asleep roll him on his side so he doesn't choke," said Abbey with a wicked grin.

Donna couldn't help but chuckle.

"Thanks, for everything," she said as she gave Abbey a big hug.

After finding Chris and asking him to pull the car around Donna found Josh right where Abbey said he had been. He was sitting in the corner with one elbow on the table propping up his head, holding his fourth or fifth rum and Coke; he had long since lost count.

"Donnatella," he called to her as she came in to the room. His voice carried enough to attract the attention of some of the remaining guests.

"Let's go," she said sharply as she took the drink out of his hand and started to pull him to his feet.

"What?" he muttered as he tried his best to stay vertical.

"We're leaving..now," she repeated as she grabbed him by the hand. Josh started to say something but Donna basically put her hand over his mouth and steered him outside. Chris was waiting for them when they got out. He helped Donna get him into the car and then wisely closed the divider.

The short ride to the farm was spent in silence. Donna fumed while Josh amused himself by humming and playing with his bow tie that was long ago untied.

Donna turned down Chris' offer to help her get Josh upstairs. She managed to get him into the house without and great problems. They stopped by the kitchen for a can of ginger ale because Donna was sure he would be needing it soon.

Once in their room she pushed him onto the edge of the bed and went to change. She put on her pajamas, brushed her teeth and washed her face slowly hoping that Josh would fall asleep before she got out. No such luck. When she got out of the bathroom he was still sitting on the edge of the bed struggling to undo the buttons on his shirt.

"I think I need help. I can't get undone." he muttered.

"Oh, you're undone already," said Donna, not hiding the annoyance in her voice. She took his hands and moved them out of the way. She pushed the suspenders off his shoulders and started to undo the small pearl buttons. Josh shrugged out of the shirt while Donna knelt down to take off his shoes and socks. With them off she pulled him to his feet and reached to undo his pants. She pushed down his pants and helped him step out of them. As she stood up Josh was starting to drop his boxers too. "Oh no, you can just keep them on," she said as she pushed him back on the bed. "Sit for a minute, I'll get some Tylenol."

"Donna, am I in trouble?" he called out to her when she was in the bathroom.

"With a capital T, Joshua."

"That rhymes with P and that stands for....that stands for...Donna," he whined, unable to complete the song.

"Pool, Josh, P is for pool," she said rolling her eyes at him. "Here, take these," she said handling him the Tylenol and the can of ginger ale.

"So, trouble huh. With a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for pool," he sang to himself as Donna shut off the overhead light and turned on the small lamp on the nightstand.

"God give me strength," she muttered to herself as she sat down next to Josh. She wasn't sure exactly what to do with him. If she got him to sleep he'd be up within the hour puking, but the thought of listening to him babble and sing Broadway show tunes wasn't all that exciting. The prospect of getting him to actually talk wasn't looking real good at the moment either. She heard a car in the drive and looked out to see the limo returning with the rest of the group. "Stay here, watch TV, I'm going to get the boys in bed." said Donna as she clicked on the small television in the corner and tossed him the remote.


	3. Chapter 3

By the time Donna got downstairs Ben was carrying in Jessie who had fallen asleep in the car. Jake was staggering along side Abbey who was also leading Jed towards the couch. Donna took Jessie up to bed while Jake followed them and put on his pajamas. While Donna was occupied with helping his brother, Jake snuck back downstairs. He curled up on the couch with Jed who was half asleep. Abbey found them there a few minutes later after she came out in her own pajamas and robe. Donna came down the stairs as Abbey turned to her and put her finger to her lips as she pointed towards the couch.

"Oh, that's so cute," said Donna with a smile. Jed was in one corner of the couch, jacket off, tie undone, feet on the coffee table. Jake had curled up against Jed who had his arm around the boy. Jake's feet were also propped up on the coffee table; his legs just long enough to reach.

"Leave them for a while. I'm making tea. You want some?" asked Abbey as she motioned towards the kitchen.

Donna took a deep breath and glanced towards the stairs. Not really in the mood to go check on Josh she agreed and followed Abbey down the hall.

"So, is he asleep?" asked Abbey.

"No. Or he wasn't when I came down. He was watching TV and singing show tunes to himself."

"Ah, the happy drunk." replied Abbey with a wry smile.

"For now, I'm sure that will change when the sensitive system hits and he's hanging over the toilet."

"So have you managed not to yell yet?"

"Yeah, I'm saving the yelling for tomorrow morning, when he's hung over."

"Donna..." Abbey started as the teakettle whistled.

"Abbey, I have every right to yell and scream and pitch a fit. You have no idea how much I hold back, how much I hold inside because I don't want to upset Josh, because I'm afraid of...." she stopped short as her voice cracked and the tears started.

Abbey finished pouring the tea and went to put her arms around Donna. "What are you afraid of?"

"Of Josh having another stroke, of having to raise the boys by myself. I spend so much time worrying about him. I just want our normal life back," she sobbed as Abbey handed her a napkin.

Abbey just looked and tried to keep a straight face.

"What?" asked Donna with a big sniffle.

"Normal? Since when have you and Josh ever had a normal life?"

"Never, but you know what I mean," said Donna as she slumped into a chair and began to shred the napkin into little pieces.

"Donna, have the two of you, or actually the four of you, ever considered family counseling?"

"Not seriously."

"As a doctor and as your friend I think you should consider it. All of you, especially Josh, need to find some outlets for your frustrations and your fears."

"I know. I just thought....I guess I thought we were handling things."

Abbey was silent for a minute as she thought about how to phrase her next comment. "On the outside you are handling things. To those around you, you look like you're all basically doing fine. And I suppose to some extent you are. But when things, relatively little things, like tonight, set off this chain of events and emotions that take days to work through, then that's not good. The kids sense when something's wrong. I guarantee that's why Jake came back downstairs tonight. Did he try to talk to you when the three of you went upstairs?"

Donna sighed, "Yeah, he asked if I was mad at Josh. I blew him off and told him to get his pajamas on. The next thing I knew he had changed and was out of the room. I heard him stop by the doorway to our room but I don't think he went in. I didn't hear him and Josh talking. He must have come right down here and planted himself by Jed."

"He feels safe with Jed. I'm not saying he doesn't feel safe with you and Josh but Jake has always had a special place in Jed's heart. And Jake knows that. And so he sought out that safety tonight."

Donna could only nod as she stood up to check on Jake and Jed. They were sound asleep but at some point they must have woken up because Jake was now stretched out on the couch, his head on a pillow in Jed's lap. An afghan was thrown over each of them. The sight before her caused Donna's tears to start all over again. Abbey came over to stand next to her. She handed Donna some tissues and patted her back for a minute.

"Things will work out. You'll get through this just like you have gotten through everything else life has thrown you."

"You know, life can stop throwing up stuff anytime now," said Donna with a small sob. "I should go check on Josh. Jake's too heavy to carry up the stairs. Is it ok if I just leave him on the couch?"

"That's fine. I'm going to wake Jed up in a few and drag him to bed. If Jake wakes up I'll send him up to bed, if not he can sleep there."

Donna turned towards Abbey. She started to thank her but ended up crying all over again. Abbey gave her a quick hug and pointed her towards the stairs. "I know you don't want to hear this, but be gentle with him. At least until he's sober. After that, do what you have to do." she teased.

With a small smile Donna headed up the stairs to their room.

With a deep calming breath Donna pushed open the door to the bedroom. The lights were all off but the TV was still on, casting eerie patterns over everything. The bed was empty and the bathroom light was off. She had a moment of panic and was about to start searching the house when she noticed Josh sitting silently in the overstuffed chair by the window. At first she thought he was asleep but as she stepped into the room she could see his eyes were open. He had yet to acknowledge her presence. As she got closer she could see his big brown eyes brimming with tears and the faint tear tracks on his cheeks. She was almost standing in front of him before he looked up. When he did it was clear that he had started to sober up and was pretty aware of just how angry his wife was. As usual Donna was torn between wanting to rip him limb from limb and wanting to just take him into her arms and whisper words of reassurance.

"Trouble with a capital T?" asked Josh as he glanced quickly away from Donna.

"Oh yeah, but not now. I want you completely sober before I say anything," she said with her voice almost devoid of emotion. 

It was that coldness, that detachment that sent Josh over the edge. The tears started to spill down his cheeks. Despite trying not to Donna reached out to him to wipe them away. Her touch almost startled him and he curled up in the corner of the chair. His actions told Donna she wasn't just dealing with a drunken husband she was dealing with an emotionally fragile one as well.

And, as usual, all the resolve to remain angry was melting away, no matter how hard she tried to hang on to it. She sat down on the arm opposite the side of the chair Josh was curled up in. For the longest time the only sounds in the quiet room were the ticking of the clock and the small choking sobs that continued to escape from Josh's lips. Donna made no other effort to reach out to him other than remaining within arm’s reach. She was looking out the window at the moon, lost in her own thoughts when Josh scooted over in the chair and took her right hand out of her lap. His touch startled her for a second and she looked at him. A silent apology was in his eyes but he said nothing.

With a noticeable hesitation Josh curled up in the corner next to where she sat. Her arm went around his shoulders and she leaned over to kiss the top of his head. She could feel the tension in his body as she ran her hand over the back of his neck and shoulders. A few minutes later she heard his breathing slow down and become deep and deliberate. He swallowed hard a few times and started to shake slightly. From years of experience Donna knew what was coming next.

"Come on, let's go in the bathroom." she suggested as she slid off the chair. She had no idea where his cane was so she just helped him to his feet and guided him to the bathroom.

"Sit," she said as she pushed the shower curtain out of the way so Josh could sit on the edge of the tub. Josh sat down slowly. "Drop your head down," said Donna as she gently pushed on the back of his head.

Josh crossed his arms over his knees and dropped his head down. Donna wet a washcloth with cool water and put it on the back of his neck. At this point in the scenario she would usually start whispering words of reassurance or coaching him in trying to get control of his breathing. But this time it was different. She just sat on the counter and waited. It was almost as if she was watching the scene play out in front of her. She had been trying so hard to detach herself ever since they had gotten back from the library. And she did a pretty good job of it, up to the point where Josh dropped to his knees and got sick.

Donna tucked her hair behind her ears and knelt down next to him. She rubbed his back and held his head as his stomach revolted again and again. Unfortunately for Josh he hadn't taken advantage of the abundance of food at the party so the dry heaving portion of the evening kicked in pretty quickly.

"Josh, breathe," whispered Donna as she brushed back his sweaty curls. Josh did make an effort to take deep breaths but he heaved again and again. After another 10 minutes Josh was still painfully heaving with tears running down his face. Donna was nearing the point of panic when she heard a soft knock on the door.

"Donna, it's me," whispered Abbey.

Donna reached behind her and pulled the door open. Abbey was there with her medical bag; a can of ginger ale and a concerned look on her face. She took Donna's place next to Josh and put a comforting hand on his back. "Why don't you grab a quilt out of the chest at the end of the bed," said Abbey as she could feel Josh starting to shiver. Donna stepped out of the room to get the quilt and to take a minute to pull herself together.

"Can you sit back for a minute," Abbey asked Josh, who was still kneeling with his head over the bowl.

He nodded and slowly sat back on his heels, trying not to move too quickly. Abbey pulled the cloth off the back of his neck and wiped his face. "Here, rinse your mouth," she said as she handed him a glass of water. He did that and then sat back against the wall while Abbey searched in her bag for a few things.

"I...I screwed everything up," said Josh quietly.

"Well, not everything, although I think you probably shot the rest of the weekend straight to hell." said Abbey with wry smile.

Josh tried to laugh but ended up leaning over the toilet once again.

"OK, Josh you need to relax," said Abbey as she rubbed his back.

"I'm trying," he said, sounding utterly miserable and totally exhausted.

"I know. Come on, sit back for me," she asked, talking to him much like the way she talked to her girls when they were young.

Josh was settling back down against the wall when Donna came back in the room. She sat down next to him and put the quilt around his shoulders. He gave her a weak but grateful smile.

"Give me your arm," said Abbey as she held up the blood pressure cuff. Josh did as he was told. "Probably the lowest your pressure's been in months," muttered Abbey as she grabbed the ear thermometer. "A little feverish," she said more to herself than anyone else in the room. She put the things back in the bag and then pulled a syringe out of the pocket of her robe. "How about a shot of Compazine, some ginger ale and the heating pad?"

"OK," said Josh weakly.

"You ready to go back to bed or you think you should hang out in here for a while longer?"

Josh thought about it. The walk across the fairly large room to the bed seemed like a daunting task at the moment. "Stay here," he whispered.

"Okay," said Abbey as she pulled the plastic cap off the syringe with her teeth. Josh pulled his arm out from under the quilt and started to push up the sleeve of his t-shirt. "Nope," said Abbey with a grin. Josh groaned and Donna tried not to laugh. "Lie down on your side."

Donna tossed a towel in her lap and maneuvered Josh so he was on his side with his head in her lap. Abbey pulled down his flannel boxers and gave him the shot in the back of the hip. "Okay, give that a while to work. It should settle your stomach and relax you a little." Abbey said as she squeezed Josh's shoulder. She turned to Donna for a minute before leaving. "That should start to work in about 20 minutes. With any luck he'll sleep through the night. If you need anything just come get me. I left a Tupperware bowl and some saltines on the desk in case you need them," Abbey said with a little grin as she left the room.

They stayed quiet for a little while. Donna was half hoping Josh would just fall asleep. No such luck. He moaned a little and she looked down to find Josh staring up at her. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"I know," she said quietly.

"It's just...." he started to try to explain some things when Donna put her finger to his lips. "Joshua, not tonight, not like this. We'll talk tomorrow. Just try and get some sleep. You think you're ready to get in bed?"

He nodded and sat up slowly. Donna stood first and helped him to his feet. They slowly made their way to the bed. He curled under the covers while Donna dug the heating pad out of the suitcase and plugged it in. "Hip, leg, back, chest...what's it gonna be?" she asked as she held up the heating pad.

"Back," Josh muttered as he rolled over onto his stomach. Donna put the heating pad over his lower back and climbed in next to him.

The shot worked quickly and Josh was able to fall asleep about 20 minutes later, at a little before 1:00 in the morning.

Somewhere around 3:00 Donna woke to the feeling that something was wrong. She reached out for Josh without opening her eyes. When her hand found nothing but sheets she opened her eyes and sat up. In the dark of the room it took her a few seconds to see him sitting in the chair. He was wrapped up in the quilt. As her eyes adjusted she could make out the fact that he was shaking badly. Throwing back the covers she went over to him. Since he was curled up in a corner of the chair she squeezed herself in next to him. He immediately wrapped himself around her obviously reeling from a nightmare.

"Shhh, it's okay, I'm here," she whispered in his ear. "Why didn't you wake me?" She felt Josh shrug his shoulders. "It doesn't matter, I'm here now." she said as she pressed her lips to his forehead and kissed him gently. As she caressed his cheek she noticed he wasn't crying, which was unusual. Normally he was already crying by the time he managed to wake himself up from a nightmare. For some reason he wasn't. But he was shivering so Donna pulled the quilt around him tighter and took him into her arms. Safe in Donna's embrace he slowly started to calm down.

Unfortunately by the time he was completely calmed down he was also wide-awake. How that was possible after only 2 hours of restless sleep, Donna had no idea. She was exhausted, barely keeping her eyes open.

"Donna, go back to bed," he whispered as he untangled himself from her arms. Normally Donna would never agree to leave him up alone after a bad nightmare. But tonight she had passed the point of caring so much; she climbed out of the chair and crawled into bed without ever asking Josh if he would be okay without her.

Josh used the bathroom, pulled on his bathrobe and stuffed his feet into his slippers. He found his cane by the bed and headed down the stairs quietly as not to wake up the rest of the house. Apparently he wasn't the only one who was having trouble sleeping. Ben was in the kitchen having a cup of tea when Josh wandered down. He muttered a greeting before turning his attention back to the magazine he was reading. Josh didn't say anything, correctly assuming he had done something to Ben that he didn't quite remember. He turned on the teakettle and rummaged through the basket with the tea bags looking for something decaffeinated.

"The ones with the green tags are decaf," mumbled Ben without looking up.

"Thanks. You couldn't sleep either?"

"Annie and I just finished a movie a little while ago. She's asleep on the couch downstairs." said Ben, giving no explanation to why he was actually still wide-awake at 3 in the morning.

Josh looked out the kitchen window while he waited for the water to boil. Ben said nothing but didn't get up and leave, even after his tea was gone. 

When the kettle whistled Josh filled his mug and asked Ben if he wanted some more.

"Yeah, sure," muttered Ben as he pushed the mug closer to Josh.

Josh took a seat at the table and stirred the tea, trying to remember what exactly he had done. He knew it took a lot for Ben to get to the point of not even talking to him. "Okay, here's the deal. I know I did something but I haven't a clue what the hell it was. I am sober now, so let me have it," he said quietly.

"Well, you were pretty nasty when I teased you about what number drink you were on," said Ben quietly.

"And...there's got to be more to it than that."

"You looked like you were seconds away from taking a swing at me."

Josh just groaned. "Something tells me there's more."

"Oh yeah, something about me being faster than a speeding bullet, able to leap tall buildings."

"Oh God," muttered Josh as things started to come back to him, "I'm sorry," he said, hoping that would take care of things.

"Sorry. You're sorry? And that's supposed to make everything better. Josh I put up with a lot of crap from you. And I think I do a pretty good job of not giving it right back to you. I know something was wrong tonight. Something's been a little off since we got here. I'd love to help you but I can't if I don't know what's wrong," said Ben, his voice getting a little loud for the middle of the night.

Josh stood up quickly, intent on pacing around the kitchen but his cane got caught on the leg of the table and he nearly went down. Ben grabbed him just in time. With a little more force than was necessary Josh shook him off and began to pace the length of the room.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" asked Ben as he put the mugs in the sink.

"And that my friend is the $64,000 question." snorted Josh as he started another lap around the room.

Ben took a deep breath trying to decide if either of them was awake enough to have this conversation. This conversation, which Ben thought, had been brewing for a while now. He'd seen Josh getting more and more resentful of what he did for the family over the past few months. Nothing overt, nothing that he saw everyday but there was just an increasing feeling on Ben's part that Josh saw him as an intruder in the family.

"Josh can I ask you something?" Josh just shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, I'll take that as a yes. Do you still want me around cause I get the feeling that I'm intruding in your life, in your family's life."

"Honestly, no I don't want you around...."

Ben started to stand up to leave the room.

"Sit," said Josh as he ran his fingers through his thinning hair.

"That came out wrong. What I mean is, I wish I didn't need you around. I wish I could do all the things we hired you to do. You're great at taking care of the boys and stuff like that..."

"But?" asked Ben, trying to get to the root of the problem.

"But I wish you didn't have to "baby-sit" me too. That's not exactly what I mean. But, I know Donna asks you to watch out for me and I wish she wouldn't do that. One the other hand, let's be honest, I could use some looking after."

"Well, yeah. I try to give you the space you need, I really do."

"I know, it's just lately, I don't know. I just feel so uncomfortable most of the time."

"Physically?"

"No. I mean, yeah, my back and stuff but that's not it. Uncomfortable in my own skin. Like I don't know what to do with myself."

"That why you've been sticking close to home lately?"

"You noticed?"

Ben laughed, "Yeah, I noticed."

"It's like I have this comfort zone."

"Nothing wrong with that. It's not like you refuse to leave the house. You're not exactly agoraphobic."

"You're the third person to point that out to me."

"Great minds think alike, and all that crap."

"So, I can't really remember, were we alone when I was yelling at you in the library."

"No."

Josh exhaled sharply as he started another lap around the room. "Didn't think so. Do I need to apologize to Annie too?"

"Nah, she's just worried about you."

"Great, another one."

"Yeah, it's getting to be a rather large group."

"Funny. So, we're okay?" asked Josh as he stopped his pacing and leaned against the sink.

"Yeah, we are. Now, at the risk of sounding like I'm babying you, you look like crap, go back to bed."

Josh gave him a real smile, dimples and all. "I will, thanks."

"You're welcome."

Josh slowly made his way up the stairs and crawled into bed next to Donna.

Donna was up by 7 the next morning, as was Jessie who promptly went downstairs and pounced on his brother who was still asleep on the sofa in the living room. Josh was sleeping peacefully when she went into the bathroom so she let him be. She used the bathroom and threw on her robe. Josh was stirring a little when she went back into the room. She sat down on the edge of the bed next to him.

"Hey," he muttered, his voice hoarse from the events of the previous 8 hours. "What time is it?"

"Early, a little after 7," she said as she handed him a glass of water. Josh sat up slowly and drank a little. He handed the glass back to Donna and curled back under the covers, closing his eyes against the sun that was shining in them adding to the pain he already felt in his head. "You need some Tylenol?" Josh nodded slightly, trying not to move his head too much. Donna grabbed the bottle out of the bathroom and shook two into Josh's hand. He took them with some more of the water. 

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Why don't you go back to sleep for a while?" she said as she pulled the quilt back up around him and brushed back his hair.

"You sure?" asked Josh, a little confused. He remembered Donna being pissed at him the night before but now she was acting pretty normal.

"Yes. You and I are going to sit down and talk later, there's no question about that. I imagine yelling and crying will be involved but for now you feel like crap and need some more sleep, right?"

Josh nodded a little and gave a weary smile. "I love you," he whispered as he closed his eyes.

"I know, Joshua. I love you too," she whispered, her voice cracking a little as she leaned down to kiss him on the forehead.

When Donna got downstairs the boys were eating with Jed, Abbey and Annie. Ben was still asleep.

"Mom can we go to church with Uncle Jed and Aunt Abbey?" asked Jessie around a mouthful of oatmeal.

"Sure, finish eating and get dressed. You each have a nice outfit in the closet."

The boys finished and ran upstairs to get dressed.

"Josh still sleeping?" asked Jed as he stirred his coffee.

"He woke up but I gave him some Tylenol and put him back to bed."

"Not quite ready to face him?" asked Abbey as she handed Donna a cup of coffee.

"That and he looked like he hadn't slept much at all. We have all day to fight, I didn't see the point of getting an early start."

Jed grinned, "Yeah, Josh never was much of a morning person."

"Morning," muttered Ben as he came into the room. Annie broke out into a grin and hopped up to get him some coffee. "Josh still asleep?"

"Yeah," answered Jed, Abbey and Donna at once.

"I'm not surprised. We met up here sometime around three and he didn't go back to bed until almost 4."

"You talked to him? Did he say anything?" asked Donna.

Ben just gave her the look that said she was about to cross over the line into pumping him for information. That line was one Ben greatly respected. Unless Josh was in real danger, he didn't cross it.

"Sorry," said Donna with a smile.

"It’s okay. Where are the boys?"

"Getting ready for church. I should go check on them."

Half an hour later Donna waved from the porch as Jed, Abbey, the boys, Annie and even Ben headed off to church. Donna smiled to herself, Ben wasn't much of a churchgoer but he seemed more than eager to go that morning. Maybe she and Abbey had started to succeed in their matchmaking efforts. She headed back inside and cleaned up the kitchen from breakfast.

Part 13

Josh wandered downstairs about 9 feeling marginally better. He had showered and thrown on jeans and a sweatshirt. He hadn't bothered to comb his hair or shave. Donna was outside on the porch with the Sunday paper. After searching the kitchen for something that would go down easily and hopefully stay there Josh went outside with a cup of tea and a banana.

"Hey," said Donna as she heard the door open. She held out her hand for the tea so Josh could settle down on the swing with her. Josh scanned the headlines of the paper and ate while Donna read the comics and the entertainment section.

"You feel any better?"

"A little," said Josh as he put the banana peel in the now empty teacup and turned to face Donna.

"Good," Donna replied as she combed through his hair with her fingers, trying to make some order out of the unruly graying curls. "Feel like taking a walk?"

"I'd like that," whispered Josh with a nervous smile. He wasn't exactly looking forward to their conversation but he knew there was no getting away from it. And deep down he needed to get some things off of his chest and out in the open.

Donna ran back inside to leave a note for the others. She and Josh headed around the back of the house and over to the pond. Josh skipped a couple of stones, wondering when the yelling would start. He wasn't making an effort to talk and that was starting to annoy Donna. She was always the one to start conversations like the one they were about to have. And for good reason that irked her.

She took him by the hand and pulled him back onto the path that lead to the barn.

"We are not snake-hunting," he muttered.

"He speaks," snorted Donna with a great deal of pent up sarcasm.

Josh just gave her a look and tried to drop her hand. But Donna held his hand tightly in hers, not letting him get away, literally or figuratively. 

When they entered the barn a few minutes later Josh was ready to sit for a minute. He had trouble navigating on uneven ground and the path to the barn wasn't exactly paved. He managed to climb up onto the old hay wagon and sat down cross-legged. Donna joined him and settled herself a few feet away from him, deliberately putting some distance between the two of them.

Donna was determined to have Josh start the conversation even if it meant she sat there quietly all day. To his credit, Josh realized this pretty quickly and was the first to speak a few minutes later.

"So, can we talk first or should we just start yelling?"

"Talking's fine with me," replied Donna as she picked up a handful of hay and piece by piece dropped it back into the wagon.

"Uh, I don't know where to start," mumbled Josh as he started to fidget.

"Joshua, I don't care where the hell you start, just start somewhere," said Donna, starting to yell anyway.

"What happened to no yelling?"

"Apparently there was a time limit," she smirked.

"Fine," he said, his own voice rising an octave and getting a little louder also. "I'm sorry." he spit out, knowing full well that wasn't the right thing to say.

"Great, what are you sorry about?" yelled Donna.

"Everything?" said Josh, his voice soft and more than a little unsure.

"Josh, please. Just talk to me," said Donna lowering her voice just a bit but still using the exasperated tone.

"I'm sorry I got drunk last night. It just happened. I know that's rather lame excuse but it's the only one I have."

"You know, the fact that you got drunk last night is really the least of your problems right now. We're just going to ignore the fact that you really shouldn't drink with the medication you take. And you did only manage to embarrass yourself in front of just Ben and Annie and not the entire crowd of Democrats with very deep pockets. I think the fact that you spent half an hour hanging over the toilet and that had Abbey give you a shot in the ass was punishment enough for the drinking...."

"But I'm still going to be punished for something else," said Josh, cringing as he realized once again he had said the wrong thing.

Donna just stared at him for a long minute, wondering when it had become so difficult to talk to her own husband. "You're not being punished Josh, you're being..."

"Interrogated?"

"If you want to look at it that way, fine. I'm trying to figure out what is going on with you, with us, with our whole family. We can't go on like this."

"I know," admitted Josh softly. "I just don't know what's wrong. I feel so uncomfortable most of the time." 

"Physically?" asked Donna, like Ben her first worry was about Josh's health.

"No. I mean, yes, I am physically uncomfortable a lot of the time but that's not it. I feel...uncomfortable in my own skin. Do you know what I mean?"

Donna thought for a minute, "Honestly, I haven't a clue." she said, not showing much emotion at all.

"Well, I'm not too sure I can explain it either," said Josh as he tossed a handful of hay. "Okay," sighed Josh as he climbed down off the wagon and started to pace. "I'm 55 years old and I feel like everyone is treating me like a child. I don't need a babysitter."

Donna said nothing but a small snort managed to escape her lips.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Josh his voice getting higher and louder.

"Josh look at yourself, you are barely holding it together this last past week. You don't want to go anywhere or do anything. You're barely eating. You're snapping at everyone. Of course you need someone to look out for you."

"So lucky me, I have superhero Ben to look out for me," sneered Josh, loudly

"Josh, just stop right there before you say something you will regret. This is not about Ben, this is about you and about us. Don't drag Ben into this. You like him and he's the best thing that's happened to this family in a long time."

"I know," screamed Josh, "But does he have to baby-sit me?"

"If you mean babysitting you in the sense that he tries to make sure you eat once in a while, sleep once in a while and tries to keep you from self destructing, yes he has to baby-sit you. Sooner or later you're bound to realize he's just being your friend. You know he doesn't rat you out unless you really putting yourself in danger. We've been through this before. What's wrong with you has nothing to do with Ben," yelled Donna.

Josh was about to yell something back at her when they heard voices, little boy voices. Donna looked out the window and saw the boys. They were on the path to the barn and they had obviously heard their parents yelling. She froze and Josh walked over to the window to see what she was looking at. Donna was about to go outside and try to explain things to the boys when she heard Ben calling for them. He had figured out what was going on and wanted to get the boys back in the house so Josh and Donna could finish their "discussion." He waved at Donna and motioned for her to go back to Josh. She wiped away the angry tears that were threatening to fall and went back in the barn. Josh had his back to her and she could tell he was on the edge; he was shaking and breathing heavily.

"Josh, you want to try to explain yourself again, without dragging Ben into this?" she said as calmly as she could.

"We're still going to do this," he asked as he turned around quickly. "The boys just heard us yelling at each other."

"And Ben took them back to the house. We will talk to them later."

"Great, B-ben to the rescue again," yelled Josh.

"Joshua David, shut up about Ben for one damn minute. Just tell me what is wrong," yelled Donna as hot tears made their way down her cheeks. "Explain to me how you feel." she pleaded.

"How about this, I d-don't feel like myself, I don't feel like the head of our family, I feel like everyone is watching out for me like I'm some kind of child. I don't feel like I b-belong. I don't feel s-safe and comfortable anywhere but home. I feel like the family's moving on and I'm getting left behind." 

He stopped his pacing suddenly and took a deep breath. Donna didn't like how pale he was or how he was beginning to stutter so she started to walk towards him. "I'm fine," he managed to croak out, causing her to stop a good ten feet away. She put her hands up in surrender and nodded for him to continue.

I don't f-feel...." his voice trailed off as he smacked his cane against the wall. Donna jumped at the sound of wood on wood. She was surprised the cane didn't splinter into a million pieces. 

"Don't feel what, Josh? Tell me," she pleaded quietly, trying to get him to finish what he had to say.

"I DON'T FEEL VALUABLE!!" he screamed.

And there it was, the root of the problem. A problem for which there was no cut and dry solution.


	4. Chapter 4

Donna gasped and crossed the room. She took Josh in her arms just as his legs gave out. Carefully she lowered both of them to the floor. Josh clung to her like a lifeline sobbing uncontrollably. Donna really didn't know what to do or what to say. All words seemed inadequate and the fact that Josh wasn't really hearing anything anyway left her no choice but to just try and console him quietly. She rubbed his back and kissed his forehead. After a few minutes Josh showed no signs of calming himself down. It was like he had bottled up so much inside that once he started to let things out he had no control.

"Josh, take a deep breath, you're gonna make yourself sick," whispered Donna as she brushed back his hair. Josh did make an effort to take in a lungful of air but ended up coughing instead, which sent his sensitive system into over drive and had Donna reaching for an old bucket she saw a few feet away. She managed to put the bucket in front of him in the nick of time. Having eaten nothing but a banana his stomach emptied rather quickly and he was once again left breathlessly dry heaving.

About the time Donna was going to start screaming towards the house Ben appeared in the doorway to the barn. He came armed with a bottle of water and a damp washcloth. 

"Can anyone join this party?" he asked with a smile.

"Come on in," said Donna. "Working on the mind reading again, I see," she joked as she pointed to the items in his hands.

"No, I just know him pretty well," he grinned as he cocked his head towards Josh.

Josh just sort of nodded, not really ready to speak yet. Ben came in and knelt next to them for a minute. He put the cloth on the back of Josh's neck while Josh rinsed out his mouth. Ben took the bucket and got rid of it while Donna finished getting Josh cleaned up.

"You ready to go back to the house?" asked Ben when he got back.

"Yeah, I think the couch will be much more comfortable than the hay," said Josh with a small grin. Ben helped him to his feet and Donna brushed off the large clumps of hay from their clothes. 

"Are the boys okay?" asked Josh as the trio slowly made their way up the hill to the house.

"I think so. Talk to them later, they'll be fine. I left them eating lunch with Jed, Abbey and Annie."

When they came up to the front porch the boys were coming out the front door. At first no one knew quite what to say. Donna stepped up to speak first. "Ben, why don't you get Josh settled on the couch and then take Annie out and do something."

"Yeah, we've ruined enough of your weekend," said Josh as he climbed the steps.

"Boys, why don't we go for a walk?" asked Donna as she turned her attention to the unusually quiet pair.

Jake was the first to reply. "Sure. But is Dad okay?" he asked as he stole a glance at Josh.

"I'll be fine Jake. I just need to drink some ginger ale and get some rest."

"Sensitive system, huh Dad?" asked Jessie with a true Lyman smirk on his face.

"Donna," whined Josh, "Do you have to keep saying that in front of them." he said as he pointed from Jake to Jessie and back again.

"Get over it," she shot back as she kissed Josh on the cheek and headed back down the steps with her sons. "Get some rest," she called over her shoulder with a smile.

Josh settled down on the couch in the family room and was soon joined by the doctor-in-residence.

"You know Josh, you're a really lousy houseguest. I'm going to start charging you," teased Abbey from the landing.

"Yeah, yeah," muttered Josh as he curled up a little to give Abbey some room to sit on the couch with him. She had her trusty black bag with her. "So, what's in the bag of tricks? More shots?"

"Well, I didn't bring any Compazine down with me but I think I do have more upstairs. You want a shot?" she asked as she took out the blood pressure cuff.

"I don't know. Let me think about it." Josh reluctantly gave up his right arm to her and when that was done turned his head for the thermometer. "Well, am I going to live?"

"Despite you efforts to run yourself into the ground, I think you have a few years left." Josh grinned. "But seriously, given your expert ability in getting dehydrated you need to at least drink something. Eating would be good too but I know your stomach's not doing too well."

"That's putting it mildly," sighed Josh.

"There's Gatorade upstairs, you want to start with that?"

"Sure. And a shot, too."

"Okay," replied Abbey as she got up. She disappeared up the stairs and returned a minute later with Gatorade and the shot. 

"Drop 'em," she smirked from the landing.

"You just love saying that don't you?"

"Josh, seeing your skinny butt is not the highlight of my day," she teased as she motioned for him to stand up. 

Just about the time Josh dropped his jeans and Abbey pulled his boxers down a little Jed appeared on the landing. "Well, doesn't this look cozy." he said dryly as he tried to keep a straight face. He didn't do too well and was laughing pretty hard by the time he sat down in the recliner.

"Very funny," smirked Josh as he pulled his jeans back up and sat down.

"Here, see what you can get down," Abbey said as she handed the Gatorade to him. "I'll be upstairs, yell if you need anything." She patted Josh on the knee and then walked over to the recliner. "Go easy on him," she whispered into Jed's ear before kissing his cheek.

With Abbey out of the room Jed just stared at Josh for a minute. When Josh didn't offer to start a conversation Jed clicked on the television. After a few minutes of channel surfing he stopped on the football game.

"Soooooooo..." Jed said drawing out the syllable.

"So, we talked, or rather yelled. What it boils down to is this...I don't feel...valuable anymore."

"Josh, you know that's not true."

"Deep down I do know that. But I look at what I've become, middle-aged, gimpy, balding, emotionally fragile. I see people all around me that remind me of what I used to be..."

"And one of those people would be Ben."

Josh laughed despite himself. "Yeah. But as Donna pointed out, rather loudly, I need to leave Ben out of this. None of it is his fault. And our family would be lost without him."

"That's certainly true. So did you have time to actually talked after you told her how you feel?"

"No. I was pretty hysterical for a few minutes and then started puking. So I think we need to talk some more later."

"In that case, I will be sure to make some plans with the boys. What time is your flight tomorrow?"

"Noon, one, something like that," said Josh, his mind starting to get a little fuzzy. He pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and kicked off his sneakers before curling up to rest.

"Drink something before you fall asleep," said Jed, doing his best to channel Abbey.

Josh rolled his eyes and reached for his drink. Twenty minutes later he had finished almost a bottle of Gatorade and was almost asleep. He was resting under the watchful eye of Jed who was pretending to watch the Patriots game but was really looking out for the man he loved like a son.

Forty minutes later Jed was snoring and Josh couldn't get comfortable on the couch so he went up to his room.

Donna and the boys walked down to the pond and sat on the big rock for a little while. She had decided to let them take the lead and ask questions.

"Mom, why were you and Dad fighting?" asked Jake.

"Well, we weren't so much fighting as we were just trying to talk about some things. I started the yelling because Daddy wouldn't just come out and say what was wrong. I got frustrated and yelled. That's what you heard."

"It was really loud," said Jessie as he crawled over to Donna and sat in her lap. "It scared me," He buried his face in her neck and she could hear him start to sniffle.

"Honey, what's wrong?" she asked as she patted his back.

"I'm scared," he muttered.

"Of what?" asked Donna as she glanced towards Jake, hoping he had a clue why his brother was so upset.

"Timmy Baldwin's parents yelled all the time and now they're getting divorced," explained Jake.

Donna's heart sank as she pulled back so she could look her youngest child in the eye. "Jessie Samuel, I assure you Daddy and I are not getting a divorce. We were yelling, that's all. Do you understand?"

Jessie nodded and wiped his nose on his sleeve. "Okay, that's gross," said Donna as she reached into her pocket for a tissue, "Here, use this please."

"Mom, why has Dad been so weird lately," asked Jake.

"Well, I could just say he's been weird all his life," teased Donna.

"Mom," whined both the boys as only a true Lyman could.

"Okay. Daddy's just going through some stuff. It's kind of hard to explain. He keeps thinking about all the things he can't do instead of thinking about everything he can. And he gets upset, with himself and with other people. He thinks that he's not needed, that he's not..." she stopped to contemplate just how to phrase things.

"Valuable. Like the story Daddy always tells us about how you just walked into his office and hired yourself." said Jake with a grin.

"Exactly," laughed Donna as a tear or two escaped down her cheeks.

"But why doesn't Daddy eat or like to go out?" asked Jessie.

"Well, that's a little hard to explain too. Let's start with the stuff you already know. Daddy sometimes has trouble swallowing from the stroke. That's something that will probably never go away. And most of the time it's not too bad. But it tends to get worse when he's upset. With me so far?" The boys both nodded. "OK, good, on to the more confusing stuff. Right now for whatever reason, Daddy feels much safer at home."

"It's not safe to go out of the house?" asked Jessie, his eyes wide.

"No, you dork," said Jake.

Donna gave him the evil eye and he apologized to his brother. "Sorry."

"No, Jessie, going out of the house is fine. Maybe safe isn't the right word. Let's just say Daddy is more comfortable at home. And when he does have to go out and do something other than go to work he sometimes gets upset."

"And that's makes it hard for him to eat." said Jake, proud of his conclusion.

"Right. And so things tend to go around in a circle. So when we get back home Daddy will talk to his doctors and see what they suggest."

"He won't have to go to the hospital will he?" asked Jessie.

"I don't think so. Maybe for a test or something. But not like when he had a stroke. The doctors will probably change his medicine and spend some more time talking to him, that's all."

"So what are we supposed to do?" asked Jake as he got up and started to pace, a trait he inherited from Josh.

"Just what you've been doing. Treat Daddy normally. He's just having a rough time right now. He needs to feel comfortable and loved. Just be yourselves. And if he looks like he's having a bad day it's fine to say something about it. Okay?"

"Okay," the boys said together.

"Good. I'm sure Daddy's sleeping now. He wasn't feeling too well when we got back from the barn."

"Tossed his cookies, huh?" smirked Jake.

"Yes, he tossed his cookies," said Donna with a laugh. "So why don't the two of you go shoot baskets in the driveway."

"Okay. Where's Ben?" asked Jessie.

"I think he and Annie went for a walk."

"Can we go find them?" asked Jessie as he spun around slowly trying to see if he could spot Ben and Annie.

"No, they want to be alone," said Jake, emphasizing the "alone".

"Yuck," muttered Jessie as he tied his shoe.

The three of them laughed. Donna hugged both the boys and sent them on their way up to play. She went in to check on Josh. He wasn't on the couch and she found him sound asleep in their room.

Ben had taken Annie's advice and invited her to go out for a while. They took her rental car and went for a drive. Not really having a destination they decided to enjoy the time honored tradition of leaf peeping.

"Leaf-peeping?" asked Ben as he turned in the passenger's seat to get a better look at his companion.

"That's what my grandfather calls it."

"Is that a New Hampshire thing or a Bartlet thing?"

Annie thought for a minute, "I have no idea."

"Okay, cause, you know, it sounds vaguely dirty if you ask me," said Ben with a grin.

Annie laughed as she turned her attention back to the road before her.

The sat in comfortable silence for a few miles. Eventually Annie spoke. "So we've talked about what is was like growing up the granddaughter of the President, the rest of my family, leaf-peeping, law school and how hard to is to find someone to date. How about we talk about the party last night?"

"Sure," said Ben not really sure what direction that discussion would take. "I had a good time. Like I said, I don't get out to many formal occasions," he said with a grin.

"It nice. I really love how the library turned out. Grandpop went through so much just trying to find the site for it."

"Yeah, it was nice." muttered Ben.

"Okay, so enough about the library. Are you okay?" she asked as she reached out to pat his hand.

"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?"

"Ben, you took a lot of crap from Josh last night."

Ben shrugged his shoulders, "It's part of the job, you get used to it."

Annie glanced over at him with a surprised look on her face. "You put up with that all the time?" she asked.

"Oh no, not at all. Most of the time Josh is great. He just has his moments. And if I wasn't there he would have gone off on someone else. He's been through a lot and I cut him some slack when I can. We have an understanding and well, sometimes, I just understand a little better than he does," laughed Ben.

Annie smiled. "Yeah, I can imagine life in the Lyman house is anything but boring."

"Exactly. I love my job, I love the whole family. Sure, some days I want to scream but that's what makes it interesting. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Josh goes through rough periods every once in a while and this just happens to be one of them. I'll pass and things will be normal for a while. Until the next crisis."

"I don't know how you do it. You just started Law School, how do you have time to fit everything in?"

"Well, the boys and I do homework together at night. I drag my books everywhere, to Josh's doctor appointments, the boys' basketball practice, up here this weekend. Although I haven't actually taken any out of my backpack yet," he said with a grin.

"And dating?"

"I, uh, don't do too much of that," he admitted.

"No time?"

"Well, that and Josh tends to scare off prospective dates. Something about gomers..."

Annie laughed, having heard all about Josh's efforts to sabotage Donna's dates when they were in the White House. "Yeah, I can just see Josh grilling your dates."

"Seriously, I haven't found the right person yet." he said as he tried not to laugh.

"You know that is a horrible pick up line," she teased.

"Yeah, I know. So when you go back to Baltimore what's in store for you?"

"Studying for the bar."

"Ah, so maybe we could, uh, study together some time." he asked with a grin.

Annie looked at him and they burst out laughing. "God, we sound like a couple of teenagers," she moaned.

"Yeah, but I wasn't nearly this cool as a teenager," admitted Ben with a laugh.

"Me neither. So you want to stop and walk around for a while, maybe get something to eat later?"

"Sounds good," replied Ben as he sat back and watched the scenery go by.

While Ben and Annie were enjoying some much deserved time alone the boys entertained themselves, Jed and Josh napped, Abbey went through some correspondence and Donna did some reading and note cards for work. About 5 o'clock she got up from where she was working at the kitchen table to check on the boys. She found them in the study with Jed making plans for dinner.

"Mom, Uncle Jed and Aunt Abbey are taking us out to eat," announced Jake as she walked into the room.

Donna looked at Jed, "Are you sure, you've had a really busy few days," she asked as she sat down next to him.

"It's not every day we have the boys here. I'll be fine. I can sleep all day tomorrow if I have to."

"Okay. Boys, go get cleaned up." said Donna to her sons who were already halfway up the stairs.

"Besides, you and Josh could use some time alone, to talk, or do other stuff," said Jed with a wink.

"Jed, I can pretty much assure you that 'other stuff' will not be on the agenda for this evening. I'll be thrilled if I can get Josh to eat something and keep it down." she said with a small laugh.

"Josiah, leave her alone," teased Abbey from the doorway. "You go get ready too."

Jed grumbled at Abbey and headed down the hall to their bedroom.

"Josh still asleep?"

"I was just about to go up and check on him." said Donna as she stood up.

"He really needs to drink something or he's going to get himself into trouble." said Abbey as she switched seamlessly into doctor mode. "There's Gatorade in the fridge and more in the pantry if you need it. I imagine he's pretty sore so tell him to feel free to use the Jacuzzi in our bathroom."

"Thanks, I think that'll do him some good. Thanks for taking the boys out."

"It's not a problem. Ben and Annie are going out to dinner too so you have the house to yourself."

"Thanks again," said Donna as she gave Abbey a quick hug and headed for the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of Gatorade and headed upstairs to check on her sleeping husband.

Josh was curled up with the covers pulled up around his ears still sound asleep. Donna just kissed his cheek and left the drink on the nightstand. She headed down the hall to make sure the boys looked presentable enough to go out to eat. Satisfied that they looked fine she sent them on their way with a warning to behave and a wave from the porch. She called home to pick up their messages and went back upstairs to wake Josh and try to get him to eat or at the very least drink something.

She heard the television as she pushed open the door. Josh was curled up under the quilt watching football. He was on his side facing away from the door, hugging a pillow and the heating pad to his chest. He looked over his shoulder at Donna when he heard her come in. "Hey," he said quietly.

"Hey yourself," said Donna as she closed the door behind her. Josh moved over a little to give her room to sit next to him. "Feel any better?"

"A little, I'm just sore more than anything." he sighed as he tossed the heating pad and extra pillow towards the end of the bed. He rolled over onto his back and laced his hands behind his head. 

Donna put her hand on his forehead. "Pretty cool. Why don't you sit up and try to drink something because Abbey and I really aren't in the mood for a trip to the emergency room tonight."

"Me neither," said Josh as he sat up and took a couple of sips. "I'll be right back," he said as he motioned towards the bathroom."

"You okay?" asked Donna as she handed him his cane.

"Yeah, just have to use the bathroom," replied Josh with just a hint of annoyance. He came back out a minute later. Donna had propped up the pillows and she was leaning against the headboard while she flicked through the channels. Josh set down next to her and attempted to drink some more. He got about half the bottle of Gatorade down before his stomach started to protest.

"There's nothing on," announced Donna as she flicked off the TV and tossed the remote down on the other side of the bed.

"There was football on," he said as he reached over Donna to grab the remote. He missed and lost his balance ending up with his head in Donna's lap. She brushed back his hair and smiled at him. "Hey, where is everyone anyway, it's awfully quiet around here." asked Josh as he reached up to tuck an errant strand of blond hair behind Donna's ear.

"Annie and Ben went off a few hours ago and haven't been seen since," announced Donna with a triumphant grin on her face.

Josh just rolled his eyes and hummed a few bars of "Matchmaker, Matchmaker."

"Cute. Abbey and Jed insisted on taking the boys out to eat. So we are all alone."

"Great, all alone for the first time in I-don't-know how long and I've spent the better part of 24 hours puking," snorted Josh as he sat up and slid off the bed. He started to pace around the room. It was obvious he was feeling better but it was also clear that his inborn restless tendencies were about to take over. Donna watched him for a few minutes, waiting to see what he wanted to do. After listening to him sigh for a while she finally made a suggestion.

"Come on," she said as she took him by the hand and started out of the room. "Abbey gave you an invitation to use the Jacuzzi in their bathroom. Sound good?"

"Okay, one condition."

"What?"

"You join me."

"I'd love too," whispered Donna. "Go start the water and put the tea kettle on, I'll grab our pajamas."

"Pajamas, it's not even 7 o'clock," whined Josh.

"It's not like you were going anywhere," Donna pointed out.

Josh muttered in agreement and headed downstairs. Ten minutes later he sank down in the hot water with a huge sigh. Donna came into the room and set their tea on the ledge of the tub. She peeled off her clothes while Josh watched with a look of complete adoration.

"Do I get the front or back?" she asked.

"Back," he said as he slid forward a little to let Donna in. She too let out a contented sigh as she sank into the bubbles. She settled Josh back against her chest. They were quiet for a while, content to enjoy the silence, something they didn't often get a chance to do with two active boys in the house.

"Still mad at me?" asked Josh as he tipped he head back enough to look into Donna's eyes.

Donna wrapped her arms around him a little tighter. "I wasn't exactly mad, I was frustrated. I see you struggle and it's like pulling teeth to find out what's wrong."

"I don't always know what's wrong," he said, defending himself quietly. He suddenly found the large tub confining as he struggled to control the fidgeting for which he was famous.

"I know," she whispered as she kissed his cheek and then loosened the hold she had on him. "And that's okay," she added.

Josh sat up to add more hot water to the tub. IT wasn't that the water had cooled off that much, he just needed to put a little space between himself and Donna, a little breathing room as it were. "So now what?" he asked. 

"You make an appointment with the doctor and the therapist when we get back. Tell them what's been going on, see what they suggest. I assume Jill will want to experiment with your meds and maybe Dr. Nelson will want to talk to you more than every other week."

"What about the boys?" he asked as he leaned over and rested his elbows on his knees, head down.

"I talked to them. I explained things the best I could. Abbey suggested something that we've talked about before but never did anything about," replied Donna as she reached out to put her hands on his hips. She leaned forward and planted a kiss on the back of his right shoulder. Josh turned off the tap and slid back, sinking down into the bubbles until he was covered up to his chin.

"Counseling?" sighed Josh.

"Yeah, family counseling. I think it's something we should look into." said Donna as she absently ran her fingers down Josh's chest, tracing the scar that was a constant reminder of the root of many of their problems.

"OK," he said quietly, much to Donna surprise, "I'll ask Dr. Nelson for a name. I just want our family to get back to normal. Whatever that is," he said, chuckling just a bit. He entwined his fingers with Donna's over his scar and turned his head to the side to plant a kiss on Donna's shoulder.

They chatted for a while about some mundane things, their upcoming week, Donna's matchmaking skills and which was better, green tea or black. Finally when the water cooled and the bubbles disappeared they got out. Donna was fading fast despite the fact that it was only a little after 8. Josh decided he was hungry so he made them some eggs and toast. He insisted that Donna sit and be waited on. She had to admit it was kind of nice for a change.

"You know, I could get used to this," she teased as Josh poured her another cup of tea and buttered her another slice of toast.

"I bet you could."

After they ate they bundled up and went out to the porch swing to watch the stars. When Jed and Abbey and the boys returned Josh told her to stay where she was and he got them settled and put them to bed. She was half asleep when Josh came back outside. She sat up enough to let him sit down and she curled back up on the swing with her head in his lap and her feet propped up on the arm.

"I could get used to this too." she smiled.

"We could do this at home. We do have a porch swing." he pointed out.

"Yeah, but we never seem to have the time."

"We should change that," he said softly as he brushed back her hair and caressed her cheek.

Donna nodded in agreement as she closed her eyes. They stayed on the porch for a long time. Finally Josh was cold and stiff from sitting for so long. More than anything he wished he could just scoop Donna up in his arms and carry her up to their room. But that wasn't going to happen so he woke her gently and took her by the hand to lead her to bed.

Having slept the better part of the previous day Josh was up with the sun on Monday morning. He took out a book from his backpack, put on his glasses and curled up in the chair by the window. He read for a while and then stared out the window, watching the squirrels chase each other around the yard. He didn't notice when Donna woke up. She was able to watch him for a good ten minutes unnoticed. He looked much better, she thought to herself. Getting some things off his chest always did that too him. When he carried too much stuff around inside it showed in his face, in the dark circles under his eyes and the fact he rarely revealed his dimples. He was sitting back in the chair with his feet on the windowsill. On his face was a gorgeous dimpled grin. Donna sighed at the sight of him, alerting him to the fact that he was being watched.

"How long have you been awake?" he asked as he put the book on the floor and turned in the chair to face Donna.

"Long enough to watch you and figure out you're feeling better."

"That I am," he replied as he held out his hand for Donna to join him in the chair. She curled up next to him, more on his lap than in the chair. She kissed his cheek and rested her head on his shoulder.

"You been awake long?" she asked as she slipped her hand under his pajama top and wrapped her arm around his waist.

"A while I guess. I didn't look at the clock," he said quietly as he reached up to smooth down Donna's hair. He leaned forward to kiss her. Really kiss her, for the first time in days. She responded immediately by threading her other hand through his hopelessly messy hair.

Josh squirmed under Donna's weight as she ran her finger down the length of his scar. She didn't stop when she reached the end of it; instead she slipped a few fingers under the waistband of his pajamas, teasing the soft skin there. He moaned against her neck. "Are you sure you're well rested?" she whispered in his ear, causing a shiver to shot through him. He could only nod as he felt her slip her whole hand into his pajama pants.

"What was that," she teased, "I didn't hear you." 

Josh groaned and took a deep breath in an effort to get out a coherent sentence. "I said, I'm well rested, but if you don't stop now things are going to be over very quickly." he said as he reached down to still her hand. Donna reluctantly removed her hand as she leaned in to kiss him again. Josh's hands went to undo the buttons on her pajamas but as was normal first thing in the morning his right hand was not cooperating. That, coupled with the shaking from pure desire was keeping him from doing a very effective job in his effort to undress his wife.

"You need a little help there?" teased Donna as she reached in between them and quickly undid the buttons. Josh pushed the flannel top off her shoulders and tossed it to the floor. He kissed her lightly on the lips and dipped his head down to kiss her collarbone. "I love you and I want you, but I'm too damn old to do this in the chair."

Donna laughed as she slid off his lap and stood up. She helped him to his feet and handed him his cane. While he crossed the room to the bed she locked the door. They crawled into bed, Josh ended up on his back with Donna next to him, one leg thrown over his trapping him down. She quickly undid the buttons on his pajama top and kissed her way down his scar. When she reached the bottom she motioned for him to lift his hips and she pushed his pants down. He sat up a little and pulled them off his legs, tossing them to the floor as Donna shed her own pants.

Naked, they curled up under the quilt, long arms and legs winding around each other for the first time in way too long. They spent a long time just caressing and kissing, enjoying sensations that had been missing from their lives lately. They had always had a fairly active sex life despite having two demanding jobs, 2 young children and Josh's less than perfect health. But for the past month or so there had been a lull for some reason. Neither blamed each other for it, it was just something that had happened. So with the light of a New England morning shining in the windows they got reacquainted with each other.

Forty-five minutes later they heard the boys heading down the stairs. "Take your time, I'll make sure they eat and pack up their stuff," said Josh as he kissed Donna softly and crawled out of bed. He threw on his pajamas and headed for the kitchen. 

Two hours later they all stood on the front porch saying goodbye. In light of Jed's failing health and to some extent Josh's, there were tears all around. Every time Josh and Donna said goodbye to Jed there was this nagging feeling in the back of their minds that it would be the last time they would see him. They'd had the feeling for a few years now and Jed always seemed to rally back from whatever life threw at him, but that fact did not stop the tears. 

Finally Donna, the boys and Ben got in the rental car. He had had his own goodbye with Annie an hour earlier as she set off for her late morning flight to Baltimore. But they made plans to get together the following weekend. While the little boys fought over who was sitting where and Ben and Donna argued about who was going to drive. Abbey stepped back into the house to give Jed and Josh a few minutes alone. 

Jed was standing, leaning back against the porch railing. Josh stood in front of him, backpack slung over his shoulder, one hand on his cane and the other in the pocket of his jeans. He stared at his shoes for a minute as he struggled to think of the right thing to say. "Somehow, thank you just doesn't seem to cut it," he said quietly as he pushed his glasses up on his nose and slowly raised his head to meet Jed's eyes.

"Thank you is just fine, Joshua. It's all you ever need to say aloud." Jed said quietly, conveying that he knew what was in Josh's heart.

Josh swallowed hard as he let his backpack slide down his arm and land on the porch floor with a thud. All pretenses they had of being "manly men" and just shaking hands was lost when Jed pushed himself up off the railing and opened his arms. With a ragged breath Josh hugged him hard. Josh's tears started despite his best efforts to control them. By the time Jed took a step back and kissed Josh on the cheek they were both in tears, Abbey was teary-eyed, Donna was sobbing and even Ben was starting to get choked up a little. 

Jed whispered a final goodbye and walked to the threshold where Abbey was waiting to take him in her arms. Donna got out of the driver's seat to grab Josh's backpack, which he had left on the porch when he started down the steps. Ben took that opportunity to climb into the driver's seat. Donna got Josh settled into the passenger's seat and climbed in the seat behind him. Jake was sitting next to her and he took her hand and squeezed it tightly. She leaned over to kiss the top of his blond head as Ben put the car into gear and started down the long driveway. The boys craned their necks around and waved to Jed and Abbey until the car turned onto the road.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once they were all back home things improved slowly. Just as Donna had assumed Jill played around with Josh's medications until they found something that helped him. Josh went back to weekly appointments with Dr. Nelson and made an honest effort to talk to Donna more about what was bothering him. It wasn't always easy but they got through it together.

Dr. Nelson gave them the name of a family therapist that they all got along well with. He saw the four of them every other week and saw the boys by themselves on opposite weeks.

Ben and Annie saw as much of each other as their schedules allowed. Annie became a frequent visitor to the Lyman house. Something that pleased the boys immensely. Ben became a little less afraid of Jed and Abbey, even talking to them on the phone once in a while. 

As fall turned to winter things were wrapping up for Josh at school. He had a month off for the break and was planning a surprise for Donna. He felt he'd come far enough and was ready for a few days away from home. He had planned a trip for the two of them as a Christmas present for Donna. So on the day after Christmas, the boys, Ben and Annie headed for New Hampshire; Josh and Donna headed to Hawaii for a much needed, much deserved vacation alone.


End file.
